“Online dating is often criticized for destroying the traditional dating process. With its reputation for being costly, time-consuming, and disappointing, many question its effectiveness. People frequently lie about their identity to avoid confrontation and treat others like commodities rather than individuals. This can lead one to wonder, “Does online dating really work for anyone?”
Love Found When Least Expected
Finding the right person through online dating took patience and persistence. Many of the people I spoke to spent years on and off different platforms before meeting their significant other. Some even found love when they weren’t actively searching. One person shared, “I wasn’t using it regularly. My cousin encouraged me to sign up, but after a few months, I deactivated my account. A year later, when I tried to delete it, I got pulled back in and ended up messaging a few guys that caught my eye.”
Openness to Meeting Different People
The majority of those interviewed were not actively seeking a specific type of relationship, and most were not planning to get married. This allowed them to be open to different people and let their relationships develop organically. One person said of his spouse, “I never, ever thought ‘I’ll marry her.’ But her attitude, the way she talked, and the fact that she was just being herself, made me realize that she could be the one.”
Kindness Matters More Than Height or Income
None of the couples chose their partners based on height or income, despite online dating platforms emphasizing quantifiable traits like these. Instead, they found that intangible qualities like kindness and character were more important in the long run. One person said of her spouse, “We got along really well, had a lot in common, and were comfortable with each other. We had loosely discussed our future and were on the same page regarding things like kids and where we wanted to live.”
Realistic Expectations
When talking to someone online, it’s easy to form an idealized image of them. Many of the people I interviewed kept their expectations in check by getting to know their partner’s real identity before meeting them. This prevented disappointment and allowed them to accept dates with people outside their “type.” One person said, “As soon as we met, I was excited about him in a way I wasn’t while we were talking online.”
Exploring Beyond the Neighborhood
In the past, people often married someone from their neighborhood. Today, technology has expanded the dating pool to include people near and far. The individuals I talked to used distance to their advantage by swiping while traveling or expanding their search radius for more options. Many ended up in long-distance relationships and were willing to travel for someone they were serious about. One person said of her location settings, “I initially started with nearby, but after 5 years without finding what I was looking for, I became more comfortable with online dating and was willing to expand my search radius.”
Refusing to Settle
Not all “fish in the sea” are good catches. The people I interviewed were intentional about who they chose to date and maintained their standards. As one person shared, “My mom always says I have a lot to offer, but I’ve never been someone girls flock to. I’ve settled in the past, but this time, I didn’t have to.”
